How to Love Again - With No Fear

Someone once asked me:

How on earth were you not fearful of dating again, after your divorce?

A few reasons:

1. I valued the experience of marriage. 

Marriage was the birthplace of so much growth and change for me. I know growth and change can come from ANY of our life experiences. So I actually don't want to glorify marriage, because I learned even more from my divorce and from being single! But I began to realize that every relationship that came my way could lead to becoming a better person - even relationships that didn't work out. So I wasn't afraid of dating, marriage...or divorce.


2. My life's purpose switched from "needing a happy marriage" to just wanting to choose love as much as I could. 

No longer did I neeeeeed a partner. I knew it would be an amazing experience to have one. But I didn't want it to be a necessity for me fulfilling my life's purpose. Whenever we make a relationship a necessity in our lives....mmmm, well....welcome to dysfunction. :) It will happen every time.


3. I valued my life & what I had to offer. 

Instead of feeling like a complete failure or idiot for being divorced and infertile, I focused my thoughts more on what I had to offer. I figured that a lot of people out there hadn't yet had their feet to the fire...and who knows how they would react if some challenge came their way in marriage (not that this is a horrible thing - we all have to learn somehow). But I knew I had been through enough challenges that I was getting better at it! No novice here! I was confident in my ability to be a better partner. So I held my head high with confidence, no shame.

-----

Hoping ALL of you can be fearless while single and be fearless even if you have a pending divorce.  You've got this!!!! And remember to focus on everything that you have to offer, even if some of that experience and wisdom came from a relationship that didn't work out.

LOVE TO YOU ALL!

Mara

(Photo from one of our very first real life dates! :) We were in Boston. And we had just finished devouring some canollis from Mike's Pastry in the North End. I've been craving them ever since.)


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1-Day Love Boot Camp, Sept. 17th in Salt Lake City, $395
7-Day Body+Soul Camp, Oct. 9-15 in Ecuador, $2,750
Love + Happiness Mentoring by Skype (or phone) - anytime, $150

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When You Meet Someone Amazing - And Then You Choke!

Have any of you met someone unbelievable, like truly your DREAM guy or girl, and then you just absolutely choke? 

Perhaps you begin to not feel comfortable in your own skin; perhaps your personality and openness goes into hiding; perhaps you feel unlovable and not good enough. <breathe, breathe> And you may even be acting less lovable and irresistible than you really are. UGH.

Well, I have been there with you, my friends. In fact, I choked for a bit the very first weekend I met Danny. It turns out that the best-ever-version-of-Mara was there when I wrote Danny hundreds of emails and literally declared my love for him before we met; it was there when I first laid eyes on him on the corner of 42nd & 8th Ave. when he came to meet me; it was there when we went for sushi that night at Tao on 57th St. and had the entire restaurant watching us because we were just GLOWING UP THE JOINT (haha); and it was even there while we sat on my couch in Brooklyn and our souls communed and shared and we stared in awe at each other nearly all night long.



But then...I choked. Some fear showed up. 

I think it's because at that point, it felt like there was more at risk than I ever could have imagined. I was completely in love with Danny from head to toe - oh my goodness, so, so much. It seemed as though no one on earth could fit me as well as Danny. And, I let some fear get into me that he wouldn't want me.

Would I be good enough?

Was my whole person - in person - worthy of this kind of love?

The answer is yes!! It's always yes. It's yes for every single one of us.
We are ALL worthy of the most amazing love. We are ALL beautiful, lovable souls.

This doesn't mean that every partner will love us back or see the good in us. But, in order for our most lovable soul to shine, we. must. get. rid. of. the. fear! If we don't, the fear will literally kill connection and vulnerability. We all know this. Vulnerability will be gone dead. And the harsh reality: we won't get the relationship connection we desire, anyway.

So how do you get rid of the fear??

1. 

We HAVE to be okay with a relationship not working out. We have to make peace with that. We have to envision our life without this person and know that all will still be well - with or without them! And that we are always, always worthy of love, no matter what! There is simply no other way to get rid of the fear. 


2.

You must take your relationship off of the pedestal. (And this includes a marriage.) Your life must center around a higher purpose, not the status of the relationship or the treatment or behavior of your partner. Your higher purpose is LOVE. It is PEACE. It is SELF-WORTH. It is practicing again and again and again your ability to react to your life WITH LOVE. When this is your higher purpose, you can put your energy and focus on this instead of worrying about whether or not you are lovable.

I love you all! Every single one!

Mara

P.S. If you like this idea and need more help with putting this into practice (with tons of examples, way more explanation, stories, tools and support) - well, you know where to find us. This is one of our favorite things to teach at the retreats and in our mentoring sessions. We want to help you all be the best you can be!!


Don't Miss:

1-Day Love Boot Camp, Sept. 17th in Salt Lake City, $395
7-Day Body+Soul Camp, Oct. 9-15 in Ecuador, $2,750
Love + Happiness Mentoring by Skype (or phone) - anytime, $150